RANT - SEASON 8 BY IK

**The stage is set!!....***Then the spot light** (think Hollywood) + a dramatic soundtrack in the background (Think 007)….Then she strolls in with cool dark shades and sits on her diva chair (think cat woman)..Then she strides…flips the chair, sits on it with the back to her chest… (think Beyonce).. Then she looks up slowly…with the spotlight casting a shadow on half her face… (think Marilyn Monroe). She looks at you as says….”eyin mobilisas se wa orite” (think Jenifa…*Grin*)…I need to show you all my diva chair....I have this chair in my mind so don't abuse me and I know it exists somewhere and it would appear soon. Looks like this

Anyways….. You all know what today is right?.... Thursday shey?... A day before Friday shey?...yea..I was sure you knew. So if you know Its Thursday then you know its……wait for it…………. RANT DAY (yaaay!!) and I'm super excited about this one...so sit back, relax, be ready to laugh and also be ready to help. Let's do this.

Hello Moby. How are you? I hope this message meets you well. Moby I want to rant today and I can’t be held back. I'm ranting on behalf of every concerned brother out there. What is this world turning into? With the economic situation in this country, the last thing we need is to be betrayed and deceived by the women we try to find solace in. These girls ain't loyal anymore. Everywhere you turn to, you see FAKERS. Girls have become too fake, they can’t even spell “real”. The way Nigeria is going, we would have plenty children that don't look like their mums because the mums have gone ahead to change everything about themselves. The one that pain me pass is the one they call 'packaging'. You can never see a lady in Nigeria not trying to package something.... from padded bra, to bleaching, brazillian-peruvian hair? And the biggest of them all which is my main concern 'the padded butt’.

These days in Nigeria, you hardly find a girl that doesn't have a big and attractive yansh on the streets. Truth is naturally I’m a very quiet and observant person (I always appear calm) but all the girls I grew up with don't even look like the shadow of themselves. Their breast that was like agbalumo last year is as big as a melon now and I don't know how that's possible. The ones with flat yansh now have curves like Beyonce. And the very ugly ones (I mean Taribolistic sisters) have mary kay to be thankful to. A friend of mine told me that yansh pads boast her self confidence. She can't step out of her house for any reason without wearing a yansh pad. Another said without makeup she can't leave her house. Moby I met one girl last month. Fine sexy yellow paw-paw babe with curves that make number 8 look like a joke. I did all a normal dude would do to get this babe but she was doing shakara. Finally she came to my house some weeks back and she was going to allow me do it. Moby by the time we were done, I was looking for this girl o... I tapped her to ask about the girl I brought in. Apparently I had licked off all the makeup, there was no chest on her chest talk less of nipple and her hips?....In fact there were no hips. This girl was ordinary compared to the Kim Kardashian I brought home with me, she was like half her size by the time she got up from the bed and the sad part was that she was trying to still form sexy!! Imagine...I want to vomit now.

I’ve heard that men lie…I agree but women are “likes”. Many women should be sued for fraud because if I meet a girl that appears to be fair, with DD’s , appears to be about 5ft7, with apple shaped butt, smooth long hair, beautiful nails and full lashes, and I fall in love and maybe propose, only to find out she is as black as Lupita, with 22A breast size, 4ft tall, Iron board flat ass, bald, bites her real nails, and looks like kabelo??...please tell me, haven’t I been duped?? Ain’t that fraud? Now my ideal 1^st date is to go swimming…so that I can see exactly what I’m gonna get into.

Moby I dey vex.. Please girls stop deceiving us, it is not fair. I just wish I can meet a girl that would be true and real from the first day and I won't have to ask her for her original skin color.....please girls help us abeg.

I'm done ranting. Let me get back to work before my boss (she's also a faker....she has bleached her future sef) comes and sack me. Ciao.

MOBY SPEAKS: the first time I read this rant, I laughed out my lungs. I was laughing uncontrollably. Guy sorry o...I'm still laughing so my brain is not working well yet. Let me just chip in, I also used to wear the 'padded bum bum' cos my ass was flat and it was really cute but when I stopped wearing it, my ass had actually come out. Don't know if it was the work of the pad o. I'll leave this to my Mobylizers... I'm sure they would be of help…Oya people… Let’s thrash this issue and help a brother.

And also I want to congratulate Amaka and other blog reader that got their call-up letter today. I heard the posting was terrible. You all just take heart, pack your bags and go for the 3 weeks orientation and then redeploy sharp sharp. We here in Lagos would put you in our prayers. No evil shall come your way in Jesus name. Just go and enjoy camp. I would be putting up a post on how you can survive the 3 weeks so keep stopping by. I didn't enjoy my own stay in camp.... I dulled big time and I won't want you to be like me... Thank me later lovies...*mwaahhhh*