A LETTER TO MY FATHER

 

Father,

 You do not deserve to be called 'daddy'....you are just my father... The man that gave my mum his sperm and left. I was barely 3 and I knew what it felt like for a woman to be in so much pain. You were able to cause pain and suffering in a child’s life but move on without any repercussions. The destruction you caused was a mere chapter in your life.

    Why did you have to go through so much stress to make our lives miserable...my mum and my sisters? You fought with Mummy all the time leaving her covered with bruises and with clumps of hair visibly missing from her head. The way you used to beat mummy and curse her, I wish I was old enough to do something. And to think mummy still stayed with you? I felt it was normal for a woman to be abused.

    Why did you have to mess my head up so much? I've had to tolerate bullshit from animal-like men cos I felt that's what men do and we women just have to deal with it. You trampled my trust for any man or boy to enter my life. Your actions gave me anger that a child should never have to feel. I hope you see this and cover your face in shame.

     Why did you have to take away my childhood? Why did you have to make me believe all men are evil? I wonder why I am the way I am and why I can’t control my anger or sadness... Well who would be normal when you go through the same thing I did as a child? You took away my chance to have what other kids have... a protective, loving, supportive and respected father. To this day, at 23, I'm still trying to learn about what makes an appropriate and healthy relationship between a husband/wife, father and child.

 Mummy sent me your number days ago and I vouched never to call you. What do I want to call you for? To tell you how much I love and miss you??? Nevurrrrr. 

You are a scale I use to measure the kind of man I don't want to get married to....a temperamental, abusive, non-caring, aggressive man. I'm with the world's most amazing friend and partner and all the time I expect him to mess up, or hit me, or abuse me in some way cos that's what I grew up seeing and believing. Only God knows if he's the one but I hope he's the one cos I have proof that men are not the same. I need you to know: I will never miss you. I forgive you...I forgive you totally. I mean I won't miss heaven cos of you but hear me when I say I forgive you, do not be mistaken, I do not forgive you because I feel you deserve another chance. I forgive you for myself and myself alone. It is because the anger, fear, distrust and sadness are a distraction and something I do not deserve to have

 Well Father, even though I'm addressing this letter to you, I'm also writing for everyone who has had hatred stitched into his/her life. I am writing it to tell those people that they can find strength. They can succeed beyond what they ever thought possible because they aren’t the parents they came from. They aren’t that horrible home or those sickening circumstances. They are so much more than that. Women, you don’t deserve the abuse from men, and men you aren’t obligated to abuse women. We are all our own people and the most we can ask of ourselves is to be kind in the face of such ingrained cruelty. Women: if your husband is abusing you, put him in spiritual warfare, God has given us the power, let's use it well. Only God can truly save. Let him be the judge.