TIPS TO HELP YOU GET LAID.... 18+

**clears throat**....hello Mobylizers...Now I know many eyebrows have been raised, and many senses opened at the sight of today’s topic...**big smile**. If you are not 18, close this page and go help your mummy in the kitchen or wherever she is.... just exit now... Anyway, I watched a funny clip and there was this guy who never got to score with any woman because of some silly mistakes he was making...I mean, he never got pass 2^nd base, he just always flunked! It was funny and terrible at the same time.
Now, boo and I were gisting (emphasis on GISTING oo!!..*rolls eyes*) and even he was able to identify some mistakes guys make while attempting to move to 3^rd base and beyond (Some he has probably made sef *lips sealed*.LOL)...so after a careful examination, reflection and investigation, I have come up with 5 tips to ensure you guys hit a home run after a make out..Now trust me, it would add spice to your marriage and help you men gain some form of confidence. **Women una own sef dey cook oo...would be our turn soon but meanwhile lemme know if I’m on point with these tips**

 Before I start, I notice blogging is seen as a ’feminine’ activity. Not sure why. So I decided to do something for the guys so they have a good reason to check blogs LOL. Also, for you girls that have been trying to tell your Men what they were doing wrong and still can’t find a way to tell, just leave this post open on your phone or device and let him ‘accidentally’ see it....(*grin*). Now ..to the matter:

TIP 1: SHUT UP!

That sounded really harsh.... but really you need to shut up. Many men suddenly become commentators and/or analyst when the romance switch is on. I saw a movie where this guy was commenting and analysing everything he and the girl was doing and even me that was watching didn’t know when I shouted “shut da F*** up”. It’s ok to whisper one or two things in our ears...yeah we like that. You can occasionally ask us questions like if we like what you’re doing, what we want you to do next, what you want us to do next; just few words. But when you start barking and growling you make it look like we are entertaining unseen spectators. Another dumb thing guys say/ask (and some girls too) is “what are we doing”....Like seriously??....does it look like we skating??....if you did not want to go all the way then why start at all? I mean the point you ask that question is the point it ends...*rolls eyes*. Finally, one benefit of shutting up is.....You would not call the wrong girls name. **straight face**

 TIP 2: CLOTHING GOES OFF FROM THE TOP

Seriously, how desperate would you be to want to start the ‘undressing’ from below?? I’ve never experienced this but I’m sure it would be too awkward to be with a guy and with my top on and my bottoms off...like that reduces a woman to a H*!...Except you and your man want to have a quick one in a place outside your romance comfort zone (which of cause won’t start with a proper make-out) then undress her slowly from the top and outside clothing....the inside clothing (underwear aka pant and bra..LOL) don’t really need a particular removal order but you can start from the top too. Some men just start the make-out and then straight to fighting with the babes belt...kilode? na assignment?

 TIP 3: NOTHING CAN SMELL BAD

Who is that foolish man that would decide, during an intimate moment, to let his nose perceive a foul odour then let his mouth ask the world's stupidest question “what’s that smell” or “can you smell that”...and still expect the rod to part the great sea??? May thunder strike the rod!...Guys, even if your intimate moment catches you beside a 30-day old corpse of a pig, you cannot smell anything bad...talk less of asking or saying. Imagine men o..chaii *women don suffer*! No matter how ecstatic the babe is at that point, that question would turn a green spring to an arid dry land faster than clinical spirit dries off from the skin. And the ‘yeye’ men would still want to put something somewhere, after they have practically de-moisturized the venue..Evil! Nothing must smell oo *pulls ears*...We women know what we have and what it entails, the last thing we want is to be reminded either directly or indirectly or mistakenly.

 TIP 4: TONGUE COMES IN LAST

this is my face when the tongue approaches

This is when you are still kissing ni oo...(bad minds LOl)...Now this might not apply to every lady as some people like the full tongue kissing from the get go. But from my little research and from my personal opinion, a few of us like things one step at a time. Tonguing immediately takes away the suspense, thrill and flair from the whole activity. I believe kissing should start without the tongue at first, then when ‘fire don dey burn’, the tongue can come in as a soother...gradually and not like you’re trying to find out if the babe has a throat or not.

 TIP 5: OBEY INSTRUCTIONS

This is very crucial, very important and very necessary. Intimacy is akin to a major war front. Failure to obey instructions can lead to loosing that war. The feminine body is very complex and tender so there are places that have specific times for touching, feeling, squeezing, tapping, kissing, caressing and so on. Some guys just jump in like they know what they are doing and just get it all wrong..Ladies, imagine somewhere that needs that soft touch being tapped when its ‘soft touch time’ ha! ...danger o!...Every woman has different needs per time and we would always tell you what to do, when to do it and how to and how not to do it because the woman is the leader and the one that gives instructions  (except it’s a commercial thing or business transaction, then the man can give orders). The woman controls factors like speed, power, angle, reach, LOL. So please men, you do not and cannot know what to do perfectly except we tell you (or except you’ve been at it enough times with your wife then you can know what she wants, where and how...but still, you would need her guidance because the moods change).

So people, na here I park!....I understand that not everything I have written would apply to every woman. We all are different and as such have different beliefs, likes and dislikes. What I have written is 90% my opinion and the rest the opinions of a few people I asked who believe most women should have the same opinion. It’s not easy to be a woman, so men treat us like you’d treat your priced Ferrari or your almighty play station 4 or your dearly beloved guitar...We love you, we want you, we need you.......but you need us more.

Mobylizers its time for you to talk oo...post your opinions, correct me where you think I’m wrong and let’s have fun....Mwwwaaahhhhh!!!!