WELCOME TO LAGOS

Hello Lovies. Thank you guys for checking up on me. God bless you. My God will never forget all of you and he will meet you at the point of your needs.AMEN. I feel way better than I felt yesterday *mmwaahhh*.

Anyways dear readers, straight to the matter…..Now that the NYSC Batch 'B' people (corpers *rolls eyes*) have passed out, I know some people that served here in Lagos are contemplating settling down and some people wey wan do business too don relocate come Lagos. News flash, it will not be easy. It has never been and it will not be.. (Lagos is not easy even for a pastor)… But guess what? You've got Moby (*huge smile*) at your service to help you (small ni o...before you ask me to help you with wife or husband…LOL).. You are the one that will now use your head after you are done reading this post. So here are 5 tips to help you cope in Lagos (trust me there’s a lot more)….but I'll let my beautiful readers help you small. You must thank them later with plenty gift o like one cow for each person *wink*.

RULE 1: Never settle for the first price. The price on the tag is always a lie (except sey na Shoprite you dey). **Don't go and price Shoprite items o, what you see is what you get there). But when you go to the market and they tell you an initial price, slash that amount in half and then remove 500naira, then start pricing upward by the hundred…  Like if they call meat three thousand naira (N3000), just divide by 2 that is 1500 then remove 500 naira...so you will say **'so ma gba 1000naira' (can it go for 1000naira). There's a 70percent assurance you will buy the meat for 1200naira…(**na the scope be dat)..I’ve seen a wrist watch initially priced at 12,000 naira, sold for 3,000 naira in this Lagos…(**na who gok carry last)

RULE 2: When driving, always keep in mind you're the only sane person on the road or on your lane, except every other car is coming from the opposite direction then you are the only insane person on that road. The way people drive in Lagos ehn?...you will have a heart attack. Even when you are seated on the passenger’s seat, you would find yourself stepping on an invisible break pedal every now and then…(I’m sure I’m not the only sister that uses the invisible brake….abi?)

RULE 3: Know how to abuse. If you don't, then learn. If you're the proper English speaking type, I'm sorry to break your heart, you are on your own. Insults like 'You are mad', 'you are foolish', 'your head is not correct', nincompoop', 'illiterate', 'you lack manners'….are not insults that break the ice…In fact you might tell someone any of these afore mentioned insults and they smile and nod back at you, like you were complimenting them… I mean guys greet each other nowadays with ‘you are mad’…so that won’t pass an angry message. I've noticed the Yoruba’s have the highest and most effective grade of insult. (Their insult they carry insult join). Call a Yoruba speaking friend to teach you better insults… The kinds that can make a deaf man shed tears for the person that is been insulted... I don't have examples o. No be me go teach you before my pastor will go and read my blog and say I'm teaching all of you bad thing (but you can post examples sha..just to help those that might be in need of them..LOL)…But I’m sure you know what I’m saying…If not, drive anyhow one day and take note of what people say to you and how they curse you LOL.

RULE 4: Always be ready for traffic. There is always traffic in Lagos.. This is what traffic looks like in Lagos.

If you drive on some roads and you don’t see traffic, then something must be wrong….maybe a robbery is in progress. You can hardly predict traffic jam in Lagos and so you should always have your first aid box ready for use. Your 1st aid box should always contain a handkerchief or face towel (to clean sweat), 100naira in case you don't have change and you need to buy pure water, Lacasera and at least 2 gala. I don't know what my life in Lagos traffic would be without Lacasera and gala. There's nothing that tastes better in traffic…Been there, done that.

RULE 5: Have a torch light phone. It’s not expensive at all. Nokia torch light phone cost about 3 thousand 500 naira (even cheaper sef). Please buy it, you need it because power supply in Lagos is so unpredictable. With the torch light phone, you charge only once a week and the battery would last for 2 weeks. So when your blackberry or iPhone dies in traffic, you can still make calls with your torchlight phone. Even the people working with /at PHCN (now Ekedc) can't predict when they will have light, talk less of when you would. Go and buy torch light phone. I have spoken o.

I know there are still so many rules that I haven’t mentioned. So the floor is opened. Guys please let's help the new Lagos resident Otondos. What do you think they need to survive in Lagos? Let's get this party started….Welcome to Lagos.