WEEKEND DOWNLOAD: JOLLOF RICE, I HAIL THEE

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I am writing this post because Oyce said I wasn’t going to put up any weekend download today…. Ntoi I will formulate my own weekend download… whether the devil likes it or not.

Someone saw me over the weekend and asked if my love for Jollof rice had ended cos she saw me in the house on a Saturday… I just looked at her and shook my head. She doesn’t know that my staying at home now is cos I am planning for serious turning up. It’s almost Christmas na and I know how much turnt up will occur this December so I am booting and loading and getting ready.

Anyways who turned up last weekend? Who shakiti bobo’d and shokied? The amount of weddings and birthday parties I see being held every weekend have increased considerably... CHAE. There is always owanbe happening at every corner. I was even tempted to crash a party but the Holyspirit held me back… Somebody shout Halleluyah…

I was just thinking of the joy of seeing wedding jollof again....it was supercaliferously mind-blowing *clears throat*...

I laid on the bed reminiscing on the slightly orange, single grained rice, with a distinct aroma that could still be perceived days after… that piece of fried meat sitting gallantly in the middle staring at you. Please do not insult my Nigerian wedding Jollof… This is a revered meal. My mum tries to make it taste like wood jollof rice but it can’t werk (my Ghanian way of saying WORK) and please don’t let me start with the taste of Ghana jollof rice… It is no competition at all…

I am not a glutton, but my oh my! but there is something about wedding jollof rice that makes you want to swim in rice and tomato paste with maggi…hahaha. I couldn’t think of anything better..*covers face*

Who is feeling this testimony brethren?? Glory Glory!!!

One of my favourite hymns in church says " I need no other argument, I need no other plea"...for Jollof, I need no other invitation.

I remember this one time I went wedding crashing with my sister… kai the things I do sha… We had no invitation…no friends at the party… we didn’t even know the colour combination… I took my time to take my bath, skipped breakfast to make space for the meal of the day… meal to come....my jollof. We tied gele, did our makeup (thank God for makeup talent) and wore aso ebi looking like better pipu and I was feeling like...

We decided to go to one place (I won’t mention before someone would read this and bounce me when next I go there for a wedding I’m invited for)

We allowed our noses guide us to the perfect seat, not too far from where we could see the couple, and relatively close to where the servers would see us first. Gbam!!

A friend of mine gave me this little hint... If they share wine and soft drinks for everyone, and then drop water, serviette and tooth pick on your table, I can assure you with 98% confidence, you are getting no jollof that day.

During the chairman's speech, they started serving the food, beginning from the high table. The ushers kept passing my table with hot steaming jollof as if we were invisible. I acted cool because they had just started serving. I was even thinking it was my Sister’s gele that was making the ushers ignore us but it kept happening for too long.

I was praying in my heart, wondering what I did wrong in my past life to deserve this treatment… I started confessing my sins and casting out demons and powers that were working against my chopping of rice. By now, the worms in my stomach had no chills anymore. It was either I fed them or they were gonna…yes gonna destroy me. I started praying for favor too..I had to eat mehn. I had to just taste the rice. I just wanted to take one base.

Relief came my way, I saw that dear usher walk towards our table with a tray holding one plate of jollof  and fried rice. I was forgiven of my past sins! I smiled ever so beautifully, as I stretched out my hands to collect my food....and she walked by. She looked at me and with her devil reddish face and she said to me “b***ch go home..no food for you”… I thought she said something like that in her mind sha. I had to gently drop one hand first then scratched my head with the other before dropping it and I was looking for the closest sand to do a spongebob move...

My world had just crumbled. I couldn't take it anymore. My worms were in revolt and my sister didn’t look like she cared so much. I stood up calmly, my face drained of all emotions. I couldn’t quite place if the pain I felt was from the betrayal of no jollof, or the war going on in my stomach. I stood up, started thinking of What Would Jesus Do… then I tapped my sister and suggested that we picked another venue (the things I can do for jollof, oh!!). We got to this other venue and there was everything I wanted. We had a bowl of all the drinks we ever wanted… the ushers were super nice and I ate the jollof rice of a lifetime. I am so tempted to speak in tongues now…hahahaha

If I ever the see the usher at the other wedding, the one that made my testimony incomplete, the one who betrayed my trust and made me question God’s love for me, I will tap her, look her eyeball to eyeball, clench my fist and give her a nice chop knocku because she only made my love for jollof rice increase in height and weight and length (did you really think I was capable of punching anything asides my pillow)

Affliction shall not rise a second time. I made up my mind from that day never to crash a party even though I had fun.

All I want to do right now is eat jollof rice….and I have decided this weekend is the weekend. I am going on a Jollof rice spree starting Friday and I promise to take a picture of each day’s rice and make you all jealous. How perfect is that?

I want to give a shout out to Miriam Ezeka and Oyce…. They are our newest recruit into the mobilizing family. We love you… Take first timer kiss abeg…

mwahhhhh..

Y’all should have an amazing tantalizing week ahead.

Love you plenty…

Cheers….